Welcome to The Cat Crack Chronicles! - Cat Crack Catnip

Welcome to The Cat Crack Chronicles!

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A True Crime Story - The Legend of Bumpy

Step inside the world’s most exciting and unashamedly cat-focussed story, a tail – sorry, tale - so purrrrfect, you’ll be coughing up furballs.* (Note: if this does start happening, please consult your physician). 

A tale which takes you from the depths of despair to the heights of fame and fortune and back again, via the wild adventures of Cat Crack’s head honcho and badass brand ambassador, Kingpin. It’s a true(ish) story of boy is born, boy wants to meet girl, boy does meet girl, girl thinks boy’s an idiot, boy sets out to disprove this theory, and all sorts of other wild and bodacious stuff happens. 

It’s a story of crime, punishment and most of all catnip – of how the little cats battled the big corporations to make the cat world a better place. An adventure story which has been passed down through the generations (of cats), and shaped the future (of catnip) –  it’s a cautionary tale, a moggy manifesto, and a manual for ‘how to make it big in business’. 

But wait. Grab a pen, some paper, and if you’re really going for it, a magnifying glass, because it’s also a mystery with a role for YOU, the reader, the detective – because inside the pages of the CAT CRACK CHRONICLES, there’s sleuthing to be sleuthed, truths to be truthed, and mysteries to be solved: mysteries which can win you free hits, special offers, bargain buys, game-changing cat gifts and toys, and the chance to make your own fortune, in the wonderfully wicked world of the planet’s highest grade cat nip: Cat Crack!

So sprinkle some of that magic dust, let your furry, purry friend do his thing, and then settle down together, and strap yourself in, for the rollicking, rip-roaring ride of your life, starting with BOOK ONE: THE LEGEND OF BUMPY. And don’t forget: pay close attention for clues, and soon, you could be clutching some bonus Cat Crack and much, much more. Miaow!

The Adventures of Whisker City

The adventure starts and ends in Whisker City – an unseen world which exists at around about ankle height, and mainly in the minds of its inhabitants: cats! A world where you’ll meet Kingpin - real name Fluffy, but keep that to yourself - a fine, furry figure of a feline.

Kingpin is a cat with a broken heart and big dreams: to make it out of the Projects ghetto that’s always been his home, and across the Highway to a legit life Uptown.

Orphaned and hardened by the grittiest streets of Whisper City, Fluffy – err, sorry, Kingpin – grows up in the shadow of the legendary Bumpy, the Robin Hood of the Projects - the world’s coolest and least corporate cat, and streetwise nemesis of The Feline Enforcement Division (FEDs). 

What is Illegal Catnip?

In the Projects, Bumpy is the real Cat Daddy –  a cool cat in dark glasses and a black leather jacket. With no real dads around, he puts food on the table, getting all the mums work with the nice cats Uptown, and introducing the kids – like Kingpin -  to ‘The Game’. 

The Game was them versus the FEDs. And their ‘crime’? Selling catnip – known on the streets as Mew-Mew, Moggy-Mong, Claw, Bounce and Chronip— because back then, in Whisker City – time for your first fur-ball – catnip was illegal!!!  

It’s immoral; catnip is bad for cats, cats can overdose on catnip!” said the do-gooders, scaring cats half to death with their horror stories. “It sends you loco, you’ll lose everything, jump off a building, marry a Spaniel.” Because they didn’t know the truth – that catnip is the best of life. It always beats the rest, and Bumpy sold the best: 100% natural, highest potency, 78% Nepetalactone – yessss!!!! Bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bing!

And with Bumpy at the wheel  – the original good-guy gangster - The Game was always fun: Kingpin and his little crew – Fuzzy and Shorty – were doin’ good and livin’ life. They were makin’ all cats happy with the best illegal cat nip any moggy could lay his mitts on: the finest quality, at proper prices, with free hits for all to get you started! But when life gets fun, there’ll always be a fun-buster. There’ll always be a grumpy cat nip it in the bud – and in Whisker City, it was the town’s new Mayor. 

Now this cat was popular. Why? Coz he wanted to LEGALIZE: cat nip for all, so:

    1. All honest, law-abiding catizens could enjoy it!
    2. It would be regulated, so no bad s***!
    3. The City could use the cash to build a bridge across the Highway, so every cat from the Projects could come and go to a better life.

Sounds good right? So it happened. And they called it a new chapter. Well they got that right – especially for Kingpin.

The Drama Continues – Where is Kingpin?…

Follow the drama as it unfolds in the Projects, as Kingpin’s world comes tumbling down. Hear how the brand new mega corporation Kitty Corp – headed up by the charismatic, mysterious Alan (he’s a cat, they’re all cats) - becomes the only supplier of legal catnip in Whisker City – catnip which actually, isn’t that good.

Read in amazement as the FEDS crack down on The Game, and the Mayor wants Bumpy and his crew off the streets. And how one day, the legend that is Bumpy just….poof…disappears! And with him, goes Kingpin’s supply. The best, 100% natural, highest potency catnip that Whisker City ever saw, is no longer up for sale.

Share in the heartbreak as the pussycats of the Projects - including our main man Kingpin - are left to wonder what happened, and where their hero went. Did he go because he wanted to, or did someone make him? Was he dead? Had he been collared? Was he lying on a beach somewhere? Working for the FEDs? Shacked up with an old lady? Had he found Jesus? Robbed a bank? Had he ever really existed at all?

Witness the high adrenaline happenings as The Game turns bad, Kingpin and his crew’s once peaceful world of street cats simply trying to make good, becomes a cut-throat game of survival.

Kingpin’s Finest Catnip Plant –Try a Free Sample

And stand with Kingpin – our brave young tummy-tickle-loving hero – as he dreams of stepping into the breach and becoming the new leader: of tracking down Bumpy, learning his secrets, sourcing the very best cat nip once more…of launching it as Cat Crack by offering free hits, challenging Kitty Corp and uncovering the secrets of why their cat nip sucks…and of doing that whole boy-meets-girl-and-makes-a-better-life thing I mentioned earlier. 

And of course, don’t forget to spot the clues, crack the code, join the Crack Headz Community and make your very own fortune.

Because this isn’t just any story. It’s Kingpin’s story, and the story of Cat Crack. So grab a copy and a free hit, unravel the mystery, and become a part of the legend that is the CAT CRACK CHRONICLES. Kingpin is waiting…


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Cat Crack Catnip on Chewy.com

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