Former detective Fuzzywinkles has been working with one of Kingpin's outfits, selling catnip on the streets. He's currently a fugitive from the law, but he's confident that the truth about cat nip will come out and that the police will eventually see him as a hero. Eventually.
"Wait, you want me to sell what now?" I was confused.
"Toys. Toys for cats," Felin responded, crossing her arms.
"But I thought I was doing good with the cat nip thing?" I asked.
"You were. But now we're moving you to cat toys. Specifically, cat toys that work with catnip. It's a whole new market, and we want to corner it before anyone else does," she explained.
"Are you mad at me?" I asked.
She laughed. "If I were mad at you, I would kick you out. You're a wanted man, remember?"
She led me to a room filled with boxes.
"What toys do cats like, anyway?" I asked, peeking into one of the boxes.
"You're a cat, why don't you tell me?" she replied.
"I don't play with toys. They're too much of a distraction," I explained.
"Distraction from what?"
"Um, well, you know, serious stuff. I'm a serious guy, you know," I stammered.
"Whatever."
Catnip Toys for Cats
Catnip toys can either contain cat nip or are infused with catnip. These toys are extra fun for cats because catnip naturally makes them more playful and active. However, using these toys too much can reduce or eliminate the natural reaction, so it's best to use them occasionally.
"So, who am I supposed to sell to, exactly?" I asked.
"Anyone and everyone. These catnip toys are good for all ages." Felin opened a box to show me the contents.
"Why does that one say 'tweaking toys'?"
"Those are the toys that you can pull around to mimic a small animal. All cats love those kinds of toys," she explained.
"Not all cats," I replied.
She gave me a smirk. Without a word, she pulled one out by the handle and started waving it around my face. Suddenly, an urge boiled inside of me, telling me to grab the fuzzy end and "kill" it.
But I resisted.
"Nice try. Doesn't work on me," I said.
She kept waving it back and forth, changing the speed and direction with each motion. She stared into my eyes as she did it. The urge kept rising inside of me, but I pushed it back down.
"You're shaking," she said.
"No, I'm not," I replied.
But I was. My body started convulsing. I tried to keep my paws tucked next to my sides, but it was inevitable. I couldn't overcome my instincts. In a flash, I started pawing at the toy like it was a tiny bird. A bird that would look a lot better with my teeth sunk into it.
She pulled it around, keeping it just out of reach. I jumped and leaped every which way to catch it, but she was too fast for me. Finally, she paused for a split second, and I pounced. I ripped the toy from her hand and started chewing on it softly.
"Like I said, these toys are good for all ages." she chuckled.
I got up and dusted myself off. "Where do I start?"
"Since these toys don't contain any catnip, we can sell wherever we want. But you'll need a disguise so no one reports you to the cops," she explained.
"I don't like the sound of that," I replied.
What is Catnip?
Catnip is a natural plant, also called nepeta cataria. It's part of the mint family and native to Europe, Asia, and the Middle East. Cat nip contains a volatile oil called Nepetalactone, which interacts with a cat's olfactory senses, making them euphoric and playful.
I was surrounded by bright lights, loud noises, and the sounds of crowds passing by. I was at the carnival, and I was not having a good time. Felin thought it would be good to sell boxes of catnip toys for cats at the local midway. Lots of kids, lots of families, lots of opportunity for sales.
My costume itched. I tried scratching everywhere, but somehow, that made it worse. I looked like I had a nervous tic because I kept readjusting myself. I was wearing a large red and white suit, complete with a top hat and a fake beard. It was ridiculous.
"Step right up! Get your cat toys here! Cat toys for all ages!" I shouted like a traditional carnival barker. Something about being in disguise allowed me to shed my natural stoic bravado. It felt nice to break loose for a little while. If only this suit wasn't so itchy.
"What kind of toys are you selling?" A paunchy cat wearing a polo shirt walked up to my booth.
"Catnip toys, if you're asking," I replied.
"Ain't catnip illegal in this city?" He asked.
"Well, these toys don't contain any catnip, and we aren't trying to police what you do in your own home," I explained. "They're a lot of fun with or without the 'Nip."
"Why do cats like catnip, anyway?" The paunchy cat seemed rather annoyed, crossing his arms in contempt.
"Well, from what I hear on the street, catnip is an amazing plant that makes cats feel good. When that first sniff hits your nose, you're in kitty heaven for about an hour. The feeling is indescribable."
"Sounds like you're a regular user," he scoffed.
"No, I've just heard things from a few folks, that's all. You buying or what?"
He walked off, muttering to himself. He'd be back. They always come back.
Does Catnip Calm Cats?
When cats sniff dried catnip, they typically become more playful, rolling around in the catnip and scratching nearby surfaces. However, if cats ingest the plant, they tend to become calmer and more relaxed. If a cat eats too much catnip, though, it can cause an upset stomach.
After six hours at the carnival, I only had four sales. I couldn't even give these toys away. Felin told me to give a few toys as free hits to drum up a crowd, but no one took the bait. Every time I said the word "catnip," the customers would get spooked like this was a police setup or something.
Suddenly, it dawned on me. Maybe I shouldn't say the word catnip when talking about these toys. Perhaps a different word could give the same meaning without making it too obvious.
Play powder? Play juice? Nipotene? Nepetalactone? Think, brain, think!
Finally, the carnival closed and I had to shutter the booth. There's always tomorrow, I guess.
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