Can You Smoke Catnip? No! But Here's What You CAN Do - Cat Crack Catnip

Can You Smoke Catnip? No! But Here's What You CAN Do

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'Can you smoke catnip?' is a question that can be heard over and over amongst a certain portion of the human world – dopy stoners who like Harold and Kumar. The answer is simple: 'No, you can't. You can use the fresh stuff to make tea, sure, but really, this is for cats, so please go away.'

Because this is a cat thing. In Whiskerland, catnip is an industry, an industry based on love, on respect, and on going totally crazy: writhing around on the floor, dribbling, running around at a hundred miles per hour, and then finally, eventually, washing, and falling blissfully asleep. 

Industries require cats to operate. And today, we meet them. We meet some of the brave cat-izens of Whisker City who've dedicated their lives to the catnip industry – passionate growers, packagers, couriers, sales cats, and more, experts all – and find out their top tips and favorite ways to use, to enjoy, to appreciate and to get the very best out of catnip. 

Just like old-school geography lecturers identifying places on a map, they have pointers (not the laser kind, though). But how many of them will you have considered before?

From Plot to Plate 

Catnip should always be 100% natural and 100% organic. For cats, it's Mother Nature's finest. While humans could argue in favor of multiple different plants being 'her' greatest work – from wheat to rice to cotton to tea – for cats, there is a list of one, and catnip is at the very top. And also at the very bottom. But it's a list of one, so the bottom is the top, so that's fine.

But catnip doesn't just happen. There's a dedicated industry of highly skilled professionals out there working the supply chain, making sure our favorite plant finds its way to us from plot to plate or other catnip product. 

How we each prefer to use catnip is, of course, up to us as individuals – but here at Cat Crack, every day is a school day. I, for one, love an expert recommendation, and who better to give us one and to inspire us and teach us when we are 'top of the class' and when we 'could do better' than the cats below? (Editor: there's no one better.)

What are your top catnip tips – are any found below?

The Farmer: Growing Catnip

Dixie: "I was a kid in the Projects, and my hero was a cat called Bumpy. He was the Don. He retired out here to be near the green fields and hills where the finest catnip is grown. And I thought, if it's good enough for Bumpy, it's good enough for Dixie. I'd never go back - no big roads, lots of field mice, yummy!".

And your catnip top tip? "To grow it, find a nice sunny, well-drained spot. We use Rocky Mountain snowmelt in our Cat Crack fields to water our catnip. To use it – only buy the best, and introduce it gradually. Don't just go yeeeeeeeeeeee-haaaa! Instead, go ooh-ooh, just a little bit, ooh-ooh, a little bit more. And then see what happens." Wise words.

The Manufacturer: Processing the Catnip Plant 

Shiv is known in the industry for his keen nose and ability to spot the best. He was here in Whisker City back in those strange dark times when catnip was illegal, and he oversaw the transition that ensured that when common sense prevailed, and catnip was legalized, the cream of the crop rose to the top. His top catnip tip: "Nature is a numbers game, so trust the numbers to show you quality products, and always read the label: never accept catnip that's less than 100% natural, with a potency level of 78% nepetalactone."

The Catnip Courier: Getting it Out There

Skippy transports refined, pure, packaged catnip from manufacturers to retailers across Whisker City. Once Shiv seals Cat Crack fresh under the seal, Skippy pulls it from climate-controlled storage to deliver to retailers. He used to have a job as a delivery driver: "I worked for all the biggies - Delivermew, Flapdash, Miaowchownow. It was a busy job, but I'm busier now: the demand for catnip is insane and only getting bigger. My top tip is this: catnip gives you the zoomies, so take it at a time of day when there's room to zoom, and then time to snooze in peace without distraction. After dawn or after dusk, when you've finished doing most of your shizzle, is perfect."

The Shopkeeper: Selling Catnip Tea and Things

Snowysocks took on Snowy's Store – just on the Projects side of Uptown – from her father Snowball who ran it before her. She says times have changed a lot, and thanks to catnip, they've changed for the better: "Cat Crack has changed our store forever - other brands are available, but my dad had a policy: sell the best, forget the rest. He also had another policy which was 'if it's windy, run around like a lunatic' – I'm less fussed about that one. My top tip is that catnip is great for bonding, so enjoy it with friends. We always offer free hits, so our cat-customers can do just that. And we offer catnip tea too – from fresh leaves – so cats can bond with their humans as well."

The Craftsman: Making Catnip Toys

Pinocchio is called so because he used to tell people that one day, every cat in the world would have access to catnip. "Who's laughing now?" he says, laughing. He's also called that because he makes catnip toys. "My top catnip tip is buy one of my toys so I can retire!" he adds, laughing. "Back in the day you'd sprinkle catnip on a sock and call THAT a toy. Now there are scratching posts, cute stuffed mice, teeth-cleaning sticks, all sorts - I've even heard someone's making cat crack-houses you can play in! Cat nip makes you creative and energetic – so get zonked and use your imagination!" he concludes, laughing.

The Catnip Dealer: Sharing Cat Crack

Kingpin needs little introduction. (He asks first if every reader can be offered a free hit - whatta guy!). He is, of course, the legendary Cat Crack leader who's totally ador-able. His top tip is to use catnip to reduce and manage anxiety: "I'm very pleased that my kittens will grow up in a world where it's OK – even for Toms – to talk about their feelings. We live in a loud, multi-sensory world, with lots of sudden noises and lots of nasty chemical smells. Many of my feline friends suffer from NKD (Nervous Kitty Disease), resulting in symptoms like weight loss, fur problems and PWS (Problematic Weeing Syndrome). It's wonderful that people now understand that catnip produces positive associations for cats. It's not just about fun, it's about associating your surroundings with that fun, and feeling safe to enjoy it."

So there you have it – some top catnip tips straight from the horse's (cat's) mouth. We can bring you many more, and I'm sure we will. In the meantime, catnip safe, catnip life, catnip good.

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